Fat Joe Can Barely Sell Albums...

...so what in the hell makes him think that he can sell sneakers?

You probably heard about Fat Joe's plan to release a pair of cheap ass 'recession friendly' sneakers a while back and thought they'd never see the light of day. Well, it appears that the gym shoe formerly known as The Recession has been renamed The Blackout and will be available exclusively through Sears and K-Mart.

Thanks Joe, this is just what the people have been waiting for...a rapper to release a pair of 'budget friendly' sneakers. Underprivileged children across America are rejoicing because now they don't have to wear a pair of cheap ass, ugly, no-name gym shoes from K-mart. Instead, they can wear a pair of cheap ass, ugly, Fat Joe gym shoes from K-mart. All of the ridicule from children with name brand shoes will come to an end now. This is truly heaven sent. That little 'TS' symbol, which I'm assuming stands for 'Terror Squad', will without a doubt garner the same amount of respect as the Jordan logo, the Nike swoosh, the 3 stripes, The Puma, etc.

Fat Joe needs to get a clue...and a personal trainer (I could use a personal trainer too...but at least I have a clue). Hey Joe, I'm not sure if you know this, but this whole "I'm a rapper so I should drop a shoe" idea has been done before and the results haven't always been the greatest....

The Disciples (310 Motoring) - Nas
I'm pretty sure you forgot about these. Well, that's if you ever heard of them in the first place. *begin sarcasm* After making billions of dollars from his involvement with the Willie Esco clothing line, Nasir decided to venture off into the realm of footwear. The shoes were named after his hit single "Disciple" off of the multi-platinum album, Street's Disciple, which garnered critical praise and is considered a classic.*end sarcasm* Okay, so needless to say the album and the shoes were a complete failure. Word of advice to Nas and other rappers: Don't name your shoes after a song...especially if it wasn't even a popular one to begin with.



The Hurricane (310 Motoring) - The Game
You already know how I feel about this guy. He's such a lame, leave it up to Jayceon to design a pair of shoes in 2005 that look like they came out in 1985. It would be different if that was the look he was going for, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case. These basically look like a pair of generic British Knights. Just like his albums after The Documentary, he should've included 50 Cent in the creative/design process....they would've sold more.



Birdman (Lugz) - Baby
I really don't have much to say about these...I mean look at em. They look like those orthopedic shoes that old people wear...except these have a fuckin' bird on them. Hell, he might as well have added Velcro straps, a pair of Dr. Scholl's foot cushions (Are you gellin'?) and a coupon for a discount on over the counter medication.



P. Miller Sneakers - Master P
I know what your thinking....*sings softly in Vanessa William's voice* "You go and save the best for last".

As ugly as these shoes are, this is just one model from the infamous line of Master P sneakers. The fact that Percy thought that anybody wanted to wear a pair of sneakers designed by him baffles me. I guess it had something to do with the fact that he was quite influential on urban fashion in the mid to late 90's. Don't think so? Did you forget that he is solely responsible for making fatigues (camouflage) a staple in the ghetto. Remember when fatigues were mostly worn by "hip-hop" people and "backpackers"? Then Percy came along and that all changed. It got to the point where you'd see a 25yr old mother of 7, named Mercedes Maserati Jenkins, standing at the bus stop with her kids and a fresh head of finger waves....and all of them would have on fatigues. Then to add injury to insult, Percy decided that when it came to fatigues, every color was fair game and as a result we started seeing fatigues in black and well, pick a color: Red, Pink, Purple, Orange, Lime Green, etc.

*sigh*

See Fat Joe, does that sound like a club that you want to be a member of? Well, I guarantee that if you release those shoes you'll gain membership quicker than you can say "AARP". I know, I know....you also have the other club. The one where rappers have been fairly successful with their venture into the world of sneakers...

50 Cent - G-Unit Sneakers (Reebok)
Jay-Z - S. Carters (Reebok)
Kanye West - Air Yeezys (Nike) & his line of Louis Voutton Sneakers

...but then again, they're 100x more popular than you will ever be, so you make the call.