R.I.P. Swagger, Swagga & Swag...

There you have it. The word swagger and all of its variations are officially dead. It has been for a long time, but now it's official because mainstream White America has begun to use it. Don't worry it's in a better place now...it's moved on to that urban slang paradise in the sky, where it can keep "Bling" company.

Now a message to the two groups who contributed to its death...

Rappers
Now you can stop using it in every other bar. Listen, you really don't have to try so hard to convey the idea that you're cool. Try taking it back to the basics, remember LL's "I'm Bad"? Short, sweet and simple...and he got his point across (shit, he was so "bad" he even had police lookin' for him...at least in the song & video). But noooo, we've had to endure lines like...

"Swagga on a hundred-thousand-trillion..."-Kanye
Oh why stop there...why not a Fafillion?

"I own the swag supermarket and you, you're just a bag boy / me I got that swag boy..."-Lil' Wayne
This has to be the worst...talk about creativity. He might as well had said "I'm the CEO of The 'Cool ' Company and um you, you just work in the mail room"....Ha! That's tellin' em'.

"I hopped up out the bed and turned my swag on...."-Soulja Boy
Apparently, it has an "on" and "off" switch. He should've turned them damn album sales "on" first...considering how his shit flopped.

"I'm Swag, I'm Surfin', I'm Swag, I'm Surfin', I'm Swag, I'm Surfin, I'm clean like this detergent..."-Fast Life Yungstaz
Huh? So you are swag? You're just pure unrefined swag? And you're surfing? This chorus is possibly the strongest piece of evidence that kids should stay in school.

"Her booty got swag, now dip it down den roll wit it..."-Soulja Boy
So anyone want to explain to me how this is possible...are individual body parts capable of possessing swag?


Promoters
You're the worst. You should be charged with 1st degree murder the way you used poor, defenseless, little "swagger" to death. You spent countless hours coming up with creative and mind blowing names for your weekly parties. Names like...

Swagga Saturdays

Turn My Swag On Mondays

Swagga Like Us Fridays

Soul Swag Sundays

Young, Prestigious, Sophisticated, Professional, Grown & Sexy With Swagger, Exclusive Thursdays

Stop. Just stop. We get it. Nobody with an ounce of common sense looks at your flyer and/or email and goes...

"Dammmn!! I gotta go to this....they used the most popular urban terminology along with 5 other adjectives to describe their party!! It's definitely going to be hot!!"

Well "swagger" you had your run, you over-saturated party flyers and rap verses for quite some time. Your place will be forever cemented in pop culture history. But like most words that have been abruptly adopted by urban culture and turned into standard slang, your time has come to an end. All in all, we had fun....but you won't be missed. R.I.P.