People Who Made More Money...

...than me & you last year were recently profiled in Parade magazine's annual "What People Earn" issue. The people they profiled were pretty random...

Beyoncé - $80 million
If she keeps on acting instead of singing this number will decrease significantly. ..

The trailer for Obsessed looks terrible (at least the scenes with Mrs. Fierce). I swear I've shitted turds with better acting skills than Sasha Fierce. Okay, not so much...but watching her act is like going to watch a 2nd grade play. It's terrible, kids are fuckin up lines left and right, they sound like they're reading their lines right off a piece of paper for the first time and they make it blatantly obvious when the script instructs them to "act" sad, angry or happy. Despite all of that, everyone claps and cheers when its over because they're just kids....and with time they may get better.

Well, Sasha's not a kid....she's 27. She's not in the 2nd grade. I'm not clapping. I'm not cheering...and with time she won't get better.


Will Ferrell - $31 million
He deserves every penny...this man is hilarious. Old School, Anchorman, Semi-Pro, Step Brothers....me and my brothers quote his movies religiously...it's like damn cult. Shout out to Jay, D, Tense, Reese & Red.


Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger - $100,000
Name doesn't ring a bell? Well, as much as I love G.I. Joes, Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger is a Real American Hero. He's the pilot that safely landed a fuckin Airbus A320 on the Hudson River in New York and did it better than 90% of the drivers in the America parallel park.

Btw, this was the first time in about 50 years that a major aircraft crash-landed in the water and every passenger on board made it out alive.


Jennifer Aniston - $27 million
How?!?!?...WTF did she do last year besides make Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt voodoo dolls? Oh, she made the movie Marley & Me. Again...wtf did she do last year?


Tina Fey - $4.6 million
This is an obvious sign that the planets aren't aligned. Tina Fey is 10x > Jennifer Aniston on any given day, yet Jen made more money than her.


Tyler Perry - $125 million
I'm not a big fan of his movies....okay, I'm not a fan of his movies at all. But I respect the brother because he's the epitome of making something out of nothing. He overcame abuse, saved up $12,000 to put on his first play and even after dropping out of high school at 16, he was smart enough to just get a distribution deal with Lionsgate Entertainment so he retains full ownership of his movies.


Rob "Nino Brown" Blagojevich - $177,400 (legally)
He still got it 4 cheap...if you're looking for beige and green and the diesel....or just a Senate seat. Blago's theme song in 4, 3, 2,......


Sarah Palin - $125,000
*Sigh* Why?
She can see Russia from her house in Alaska and she thinks the Earth was created 6,000 yrs ago and both, men and dinosaurs, coexisted. For those of you who don't see anything wrong with that timeline let me educate you...

The Earth and the other planets in our solar system were formed about 4.54 billion years ago. Dinosaurs became extinct 65 million years ago. The genus which humans are part of is estimated to be about 2.5 million years old, while modern humans are believed to have evolved between 400,000 and 200,000 years ago.

This is just disrespectful to Dinosaurs....and I like Dinosaurs. If I ever meet Sarah Palin I'm gonna punch her in the throat like I'm Liam Neeson in Taken.


Tiger Woods - $110 million
Tiger's a beast on the course but damn, he barely played last year. He spent most of the year rehabbing from knee surgery. You try spending 3/4 of the year off of work for knee surgery recovery and see what your income looks like.

Tiger's endorsement deals > FMLA


Michael Bloomberg - $1
Yeah you read it right....a dollar for the whole year of 2008 to be Mayor of New York city. Imagine going to your current job everyday and only making one dollar a year. You can't even fathom it can you?

Why?

It's probably because you don't like your job enough to just get paid one dollar a year...or it could be because you don't have a net worth of around $20 Billion. It's probably both.

Ever heard of Bloomberg L.P.? It's a financial software, news and data company and it's big, really big. Ummm...it's no coincidence that the company's name is the same as his.