Spit Hot Fire: R. Kelly - Pregnant...

Just when I thought I'd heard it all...leave it up to R. Kelly to take ignorant lyrics to new and previously unimaginable heights. His latest CD, Untitled is your standard R. Kelly CD that covers topics such as booty, sex, clubs, booty, liquor etc. I'm not knocking that...everything has it's place and to be honest I actually like the CD. What? Don't look at me like that! Only God can judge me. Initially when I downloaded Untitled and looked at the track titles nothing really stood out to me...

...that is until I saw the last song titled "Pregnant". Hmmm...not one to past immediate judgment, I thought this could be a song talking about how wonderful it is to be an expecting mother or father, or perhaps how beautiful and attractive a woman can be to a man when she's carrying his child. I know it's R. Kelly we're talking about, but it isn't a far-fetched idea that he could write a song like that. My curiosity only increased when I saw that he had recruited Tyrese, Robin Thicke and The-Dream to join him on this song. Well...I listened to it and it wasn't the beautiful ode to pregnant women that I thought it would be.

R. Kelly - Pregnant Ft. Tyrese, Robin Thicke & The-Dream

Seeing as this is Kelly's song and he had the privilege of providing us with two verses, I decided to focus on just his verses...

(Chorus)
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Lay your body down and get you pregnant,
Knock you up, pregnant, knock you up

(1st Verse)
Now usually I leave the club with a girl who has a man,
And take her to the hotel for just a one night stand,
See I’m a playa so I ain’t tryna take her on no dates,
But much like my patron, man I’m just tryna take it straight,
Until I met this girl in the club with an unbelievable booty,
The sweetest girl in the world to me and on top of that she's a cutie,
I ain’t seen nothing like her around here in a while,
And if I had a girl she’d be the one to bare my child,
Telling myself I’m a playa so I keep tryna shake it off,
But I keep on seeing this big old house with a picket fence and a dog,
Never felt nothing like this,
She's more than a mistress
I'm bout to handle my business,
and put that girl in my kitchen,

(Chorus)
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Lay your body down and get you pregnant,
Knock you up, pregnant, knock you up,

(5th Verse, R. Kelly's 2nd)
Take you out to eat uh uh,
Wined and dined uh uh,
Shopping spree uh uh,
Sexing me uh huh,
See I'm not cheap, or selfish babe,
Girl I'm just thirsty for that booty babe,
It's all you fault, baby you look good,
It's all your fault, that it feels like wood,
And you look so bored up in this club so let's go,
We can hop in Lamborghini roll to my big home,
Bay-eh-eh-eh-aby,
Let's go crazy,
Let's make a,
Little Kelly,
Baby I got goodies and I want you to have some,
All I ask is you let me explore your secret garden

*tear drop* Now that was beautiful. So beautiful that I'm sure somewhere in urban America some young couple will get married to this song. I can see it now...a clear summer day, the sun is shining and the pigeons are chirping as Mercedes Lexi "Da Baddest Bitch" Williams walks down the aisle in a stunning "Goochi" wedding dress while this song plays softly in the background. Mercedes' 2 year old daughter will be joyously throwing barbecue sunflower seeds as her mama and soon-to-be step daddy are announced Mr. & Mrs. Delontay "9 Milli" Jenkins.

Okay, seriously? This was too easy. So in summary, this song is about him being out in a club Nitro and seeing a high school junior woman with an unbelievable booty....a booty so astounding that he envisions him and this woman living in a house with a picket fence and a dog. Even further, he's then compelled to offer her...not a nice dinner, not a shopping spree, but a "Little Kelly" by asking her to go home with him so he can get her pregnant.
The End.

Sounds like an animated Disney movie in the making doesn't it? You know what, I'm not even using Dylans for this one. In honor of Mr. Kelly's love for human waste this song gets a 5-urinal rating...


...for providing us with pissy lyrics and promoting the idea that pregnancy is some sort trivial circumstance that's warranted by the sight of an unbelievable ass. Okay maybe that's a little harsh, I'm sure that this song was just made as entertainment for adults who should know better. But then again, The Maury Povich Show tells me that unfortunately, there are some "adults" out here that really don't know any better. Okay, I'm signing off...btw I'll bring back the Dylan rating system in the next Spit Hot Fire post.

Random Pic: Kanye & Amber Rose Support PETA...

...that's why they went fur crazy during fashion week over in Paris.

No but seriously, I'm about 2,000,000% sure (word to Maury Povich) that those coats aren't made out of animal fur. So before PETA gets their hypocritical panties in a bunch and start throwing paint on Mr. West and his Rose, I suggest they do a bit of research. I don't think any animals were harmed or killed in making of those coats. I mean let's not jump to conclusions here...I'm guessing that those coats are either fake or they're made out of...

...Monique's fur.

After seeing her legs it may be up for debate as to whether she's an animal, but one thing is certain...she's alive and doesn't appear to have been harmed in any way. You can find her every night on BET screaming for no apparent reason. See there PETA....we can all take a deep breath and relax.

Btw if her legs are that damn hairy, I'm nauseous at the thought of what other parts of her body look like. Yep....just threw up a lil' bit in my mouth.

Movin' on, I'd like to dedicate the following to Mr. West...
Mr. Male Fur Coat Wearer

Alicia Keys Covers GIANT Magazine...

...for their winter preview special double issue (whatever the hell that is). Hit the jump to watch her interview with Smokey D. Fontaine of GIANT Magazine. Is it me or does his name sound like it's straight out of a blaxploitation film? Anywho, there's also a few wack ass pics in which she's fully clothed after the jump as well.

Btw I'm tired of these boring ass photo shoots with these chicks just laying around on some random couch looking all sleepy and like borderline ratards (<--no, it's not misspelled go watch The Hangover). These photographers need to turn shit up a notch, be a bit more creative. Hell, I don't know...next time try having Ms. Keys wrestle a giant bottle of canola oil (with the top off) on top of a piano while she's wearing that purple catsuit from her "Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart" video.

Okay, that may be a little extreme and unrealistic....who has canola oil readily available at a photoshoot? What about olive oil? Okay, baby oil perhaps? *sigh* I just wanna see her covered in oil...any type will do.


Random blogger/internet nerd comment: The embed code for this video has to be the longest I've ever seen in my life.

New Consequence, Yelawolf, Ludacris, Noreaga...

Most of these songs have been out for a while. I'm still playing catch-up....I have about 20 more songs and about 5 mixtapes to post. I was hopping on my mom's neighbors wireless internet but they must've gotten hip because they suddenly protected their connections. I should be back in my place by the end of this week so bare with me til then....

Consequence - Whatever You Want Bad Boy (Remix) Ft. Diddy & The LOX
So this is the 2nd remix of this song. I liked the original, the 1st remix as well and this remix is actually okay....but they could do 3 more and

Yelawolf - Deer Mama
I have no clue what a Yelawolf is but I fux wit this. Guess I'll finally go and listen to his Trunk Muzik mixtape. Btw this song is off of SMKA - The 808 Experiment: Vol 2 and that's not a typo, they spelled "Deer" like that on purpose.

Ludacris - “O Let’s Do It (Freestyle)”
As hard as Luda goes in sometimes, will he ever be mentioned in anybody's top 10 list?

Noreaga - Exhibit CNN
Let's get something straight. No one, and I mean no one can touch Jay Electronica when it comes to rapping over this beat. But out of all the rappers I've heard spit over this, suprisingly Nore's version is the only one I like. Jus Blaze agrees as well.

Craig Robinson - Lets Get Sexy...

In this video Craig gives some advice on how to spice things up when your relationship has become dull and boring.

The name Craig Robinson may not ring a bell initially, but you should recognize him from a number of comedies including The Office (the series), Knocked Up, The Goods: Live Hard Sell Hard, Pineapple Express and Zack & Miri Make A Porno.

Btw this just has too many quotables to choose from.

Bonus:

Craig Robinson - Lets Get Sexy (mp3)

...just in case you like to put random silly shit on your ipod.

Throwback: Positive K - I Got A Man...

You know, I really believe that the 90's was the decade of the one-hit wonder. It was like you could get a record contract by saving the UPC codes off of cereal boxes. There were so many random artist, rap and R&B, that came and went overnight they could've probably formed their own state....enter elder statesman Darryl Gibson...

Let's be honest, as far as becoming a bonafide hip-hop star goes.....this poor guy never stood a chance. Granted it was the 90's, but even if you ignored the generic "bang, boom, pow! surprise!" hip-hop stance he chose for his album cover, his obnoxious L.A. Laker colored jacket, and his Duke curl and wave activator saturated hair.....you were still left with his rap name, Positive K. I know most rappers in the late 80's/early 90's had pretty lame names, especially when you look at them objectively. You had your Ice's (Ice T, Ice Cube, Vanilla Ice) and your C/Kool's (LL Cool J, Kool Moe Dee, Kool G Rap), but Positive K just sounds like a healthy breakfast cereal....and while breakfast cereal is pretty cool....healthy breakfast cereal is far from it.

Positive K - I Got A Man

I was 11 yrs old when this song was a hit and although I liked this song I really didn't get it....not like I do today. After spending more than enough time in clubs and bars throughout my college and post college years I've come to truly understand that this isn't just a song....it's a way of life for a lot of relentless lames that lurk in the dark bowels of nightclubs. Look, it's not rocket science, most women make it somewhat obvious if they're interested in talking to you. If not, they definitely make it blatantly obvious if they want you to leave them the hell alone. I'm not saying that persistence isn't necessary at times, but you have to know when to use it because there's a huge difference between being persistent and being annoying. This is a prime example of being annoying...




Ummm not sure if you noticed the Cross Colours jean suit this brother had on in the video. Nothing wrong with that...it was 90's. But the fact that the shirt/jacket was three-quarter length with a waist tie is just unacceptable regardless of the decade. Movin' on...

Positive K was obviously not tryin' to hear that see...and neither are these guys...

The BFF
This is the guy that tries to play the friend angle after being told to fuck off. Look, if a woman tells you outright, meaning the first words out of her mouth are, "I got a man or I'm married", keep it movin' because there's a strong chance that she's not interested in you. Whether or not she's telling the truth is irrelevant, because if she has a man/is married and she was actually interested in you, she wouldn't even mention her man/husband until later on down the line, if ever (<----Just had this happen about a month ago). But nope, this is the guy who think he's so smooth he'll make her forget all about her man/husband with lines like: "What? You can't have friends? Damn, he got you on lock like that?" or "I don't see no ring on your finger." There you go Daddy Mack...now you got her thinking.

The Converter
Fellas it's no secret that we've lost quite a few attractive women to....women. I even know a few, but if a woman tells you she's a lesbian, accept it and keep it movin'. Just like the "I got a man or I'm married" scenario it's irrelevant if she's telling the truth or not. But nope, The Converter has this warped misconception that she's only gay because she hasn't been with him yet. As a result, he proceeds with lines like "You just ain't been with the right dude" and "Them dudes you were with just wasn't hittin' it right". The Converter does the exact opposite of what he set out to do. Instead of convincing her to consider giving men another chance, he just reinforces her lesbianism (<--is that even a real word? Sounds like one *Kanye shrug*).

The Stalker 2K10
Prior to the internet stalking was like a full-time job. I mean you had to reeeeaaally be obsessed with a woman (and be a psychopath) to stalk her. Obtaining information like where she lived and worked, what she drove, where she shopped and who her friends were took some serious detective work. Not only did it take time and effort, but you had to be smart and somewhat cunning. Put it like this, a lot of would be stalkers probably just gave up once they saw how hard it was. Then the internet came along, followed by MySpace, FaceBook and more recently Twitter, making the art of stalking trivial. Nowadays, any asshole with a laptop and a Starbucks wifi connect can stalk you...hence, Stalker 2K10. This is that nice gentleman who seemed to take it well when you politely turned him down at the club Saturday night. Then on Sunday morning you see he's sent you a friend request on FB and he's started following you on Twitter. Signs that he's a stalker? Nope. A lil thirsty? Yes....but you don't consider him a psychopath. That is until one hour after you accepted his request you see that he's commented on all 237 pics you have posted on FB, added all of your friends, poked you 15 times, superpoked you 3 times, sent you a virtual rose and hit you 23 virtual pillows.

Like Dave Chappelle told Wayne Brady's hooker..."Run Bitch! Run Bitch! Run for your life, get some help!"

The Insulter
*sigh* I really don't get this guy. So you see an attractive woman and you "shoot your shot", "try to holla", "spit yo game" or whatever the hell you want to call it. She politely tells you she has a man or something that equates to friendly rejection. You in return, insult her and threaten her with bodily harm. Way to go champ....nothing changes a woman's mind like hearing the sweet serenade of "Fuck you then, you stuck-up bitch!". Yeah, I have no doubt that back in the caveman days that line, coupled with a club to hit her over the head with, would've worked out in your favor. Fortunately for women, today there are things like laws, policemen, bouncers, stun guns, switch blades and mace to protect them from guys like you.

Honorable Mentions
The Verifier - This is the guy that does everything right initially. He gets her number....then he calls her in the club because he wants to make sure she gave him the right number.

The Bottle Popper - This is the lame who thinks that buying a woman a drink is an automatic win for him. Buying a woman a drink doesn't guarantee that you'll get a phone number, a dance, a date or some ass. You don't buy a scratch off expecting to win every time...sometimes it's just a waste of money.

The Motion Detector - I was out this past weekend and I witnessed this guy in full effect. This is that guy who quietly stands right by a woman all night, waiting for her to do anything that could be remotely interpreted as dancing. The minute she does, his cool and relaxed demeanor is thrown out the window and he begins to viciously gyrate up against her ass.

Lloyd Banks Is All About Peace ...

...unless you refuse to pay him because he didn't fulfill his end of an agreement.

Okay, for starters have you ever heard of Chris Hines? Me neither. Apparently he's a Canadian Hip Hop promoter and unfortunately for his face he booked Lloyd Banks to perform this past Friday at Club NV in Brantford, Ontario. Well Banks was scheduled to go on at 10pm, but since he truly believes that the early bird gets the worm, he didn't arrive until 2:30am. To his surprise (and mine as well) nobody decided to wait for over 4 hours to see Lloyd Banks perform his current smash hits "Baby By Me" and "Think About Me".

What? What are you talkin' about? Oh shit, those are 50's songs. Wait...so what in the hell were people payin' to see Lloyd Banks perform?

Oh well, I guess that's not important. After seeing the small number of people in attendance, he decided to barely perform one song before abruptly leaving the stage. After this astonishing display of professionalism and his groundbreaking performance, Banks expected to get paid. Chris Hines, for reasons obvious to everybody but Lloyd Banks, decided that he wasn't going to pay Banks. As a result, Banks and three of his weed carriers decided to go to Hines' hotel room to resolve the dispute peacefully...

....at some point things got "all the way turnt up" and Hines tried to beat up Lloyd Banks and his three henchman using only his face. Long story short, Banks and his homies are sitting in jail awaiting charges for assault, robbery and forced confinement.

Talk about a dumb ass. I'm sure between bail, lawyer's fees and a possible civil suit 50's he's going to spend waayyy more than Hines owed him.

Side Note: This was pretty funny. No, I'm not referring to Lloyd Banks going to jail or Hines' face of fury bravely taking on 8 flimsy fists. It's just that this reminds me of that episode of Family Guy when Brian owed Stewie money...

Live Performance: Clipse Ft. Black Thought...

"Popular Demand (Popeyes)"

Last week Clipse served as the musical guest on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon where they performed "Popular Demand (Popeyes)" & "Grindin". I'm not big on posting live performances (this happens to be the 1st), but Black Thought spit a verse on both songs and I thought the collaboration was pretty dope.

You can catch "Grindin" after the jump. Enjoy.


"Grindin"

New Reflection Eternal, Drake, Skillz, Jojo Pellegrino...

You know the deal, I've been away for a minute so I'm playin' catch up. If you don't already have these, here you go...

Reflection Eternal - Just Begun Ft. Jay Electronica, J. Cole & Mos Def
If Jesus listened to hip-hop this is what he'd have in his ipod.

Drake - It's Been A Pleasure
Despite rappin' along side Baby for damn near his whole album, the yellow one hasn't lost a step. "If amazing was a young b***h, I'd be going to jail cuz I'm f**kin' amazing"

Skillz - Rap Up 09'
Smh, here's this guy with his one song a year....now back to his job at Chik-fil-a.

Jojo Pellegrino - Triple Homicide Ft. Sean P & Inspectah Deck
I remember Jojo from a few years back. I thought he went to school or got a day job and gave up on rap. Oh well...I only gave this a listen because "the brokest rapper you know" is on it.

Bonus: Want to see a video of Drake on Nickelodeon's version of "MTV Cribs" from back in his Degrassi days? Hit the jump...

Is Jay-Z a Freemason, Sith Lord, Devil Worshiping, Lycan, Twilight Cast Member?...

*sigh* Okay, after watching Jay-Z's video for "On To The Next One" I think it's pretty obvious at this point that he's either poking fun at all of these conspiracy theorist or subliminally tellin' everyone that he is a devil worshiper and they can kiss his ass. If you have no clue what I'm talking about head over to www.vigilantecitizen.com to see what all the fuss is about. But since people continue to debate on what Jay-Z is, what he believes and who he worships I felt the need to make a few points...

I Got An "A+" In Internet Research...
The internet (via YouTube, Wikipedia and Google) has created a shitload of smart-dumb muhfuckas. I swear people go and do some "research", graduate magna cum-laude from Wikipedia University and then they feel they're in a position to "educate" any and everybody via Twitter, Facebook and any other site that they can post a comment on. Hey Einstein, guess what? That magical portal of information called the internet is accessible to other people besides you. You're no more "enlightened" than anybody with access to a 56 kbit/s internet connection.

It's A Secret Society, But Everybody Knows Everything About It...
Look, all of these psycho conspiracy theorist claim that the Freemasons are shrouded in secrecy, yet they can tell you everything there is to know about them. They're experts on this "secret society"....that happens to have clearly labeled lodges/buildings and whose members wear rings with their emblem on it. You know what, this society is so secret you can even get a Masonic license plate. Nothing says "I don't want you to know about us or our members" like personalized license plates with our emblem on it.

Freemasons don't adhere to one religion. The general underlying principle is that they do believe in God, a Supreme Being, a Higher Power, etc. Freemasons are free to belong to any religion, including Christianity....I've known a few. Anyone who's studied an ounce of religion and history knows where the stigma surrounding Freemasons and devil worship originated from. If people would actually read about religion and history and talk to people who are a part of the groups they claim to know so much about, there wouldn't be so many misconceptions in the world today.

For instance, I remember somebody tried to vehemently tell me all about Jehovah's Witnesses. They went on to tell me how they don't believe in Jesus and that they believe that only 100,000 people will get into heaven and everyone else will go to hell. What they didn't know is that my mother is a Jehovah's Witness (I'm not) and that me and her talk about religion all the time. After I told this person that my mother was a JW their tone changed and they proceeded to say that everything they had just told me (in such a declarative tone and with such confidence) was only "what they had heard". I then told them that everything they were saying was incorrect and told them what Witnesses actually believe. Point being, don't try to educate other people with hearsay.

Btw if you live in the Hyde Park area, I apologize if my mom ever knocked on your door and woke you up early as hell on a Saturday morning to talk to you about Jehovah's Kingdom.

Everybody's In On It...Including Your Mama...
The Illuminati....yada, yada, yada. Yeah I know everybody from Barack Obama to Bert and Ernie to Oprah to Miley Cyrus are in on this plot to create a New World Order. This NWO theory has been around for about as long as conspiracy theories have. Yet in still, this grand takeover has yet to happen. If all of the most powerful people in the world want to take it over, why in the hell haven't they just done it already? Can Somebody tell me what they're waiting on? You might say "It's happening right before your eyes, you just need to open them". Look, I'm not saying it isn't in the works or it isn't true. But I will say that at the rate they're going, chances are you, your children or your grandchildren won't be alive to see the NWO come into fruition.

Some of you might be thinking, "Doza you're just ignorant and you've been blinded by the media. This is exactly what they want you to think...I feel sorry for you". Okay, suppose I have and all of this is true. I pose this question to all of the "enlightened" ones who know what's going on: Now what? What are you doing in your day to day life that's any different from the non-believers who are 'still in the dark'? Are you stockpiling water and food? Building an underground bunker? Moving deep into the mountains? Saving up to buy an uncharted island? Organizing an army of believers to destroy the members of the Illuminati?......*crickets*.....it's okay, I'll wait.

Either Turn It Up or Turn It Off...
I've been listening to Jay-Z from day 1 and the last time I checked Satan is still on my shitlist and I still prefer an ice cold Blue Moon over a cup of virgin's blood. What Jay believes in has no affect on me. The funny thing is half of the die-hard conspiracy theorist who truly believe all of this stuff are the main ones buying his CDs and going to his concerts. If you believe that Jay's beliefs are in direct conflict with your own and he's conveying those beliefs through his music and his videos, it's pretty simple....STOP fuckin' with him! STOP viewing his videos, STOP listening to his music, STOP going to his concerts and STOP commenting on him in general.

So do I believe that he worships the devil and he's part of the Illuminati?

I don't give a fuck....that's what I believe. Hell, my mailman probably worships the devil. As long as he doesn't start drawing satanic pentagrams on my ComEd bill I'm good. If Jay-Z is a devil worshiping member of the Illuminati, I could care less....that's his life, his beliefs, his soul, not mine. To be honest, a video of Jay-Z wearing a Jason mask, gangbanging a bunch of farm animals, drinking a cup of blood, while watching Booty Talk 7,186 could be released tomorrow on YouTube and my life wouldn't change one bit. Would I stop supporting Jay-Z? Yes, but in all honesty I don't support him now. I'll never buy another Jay-Z album (last one I purchased was The Black Album) or go to one of his concerts (btw I've never been to one). Why? It has nothing to do with all of this black magic devil talk either. He's rich and he does a very good job of reminding me how he doesn't need my hard earned money....so why in the hell would I give it to him?

Look, whether you believe he's a devil worshiper, a Freemason or he's just fuckin' with everybody's head to stir up controversy, one thing is certain...he's just a man....one man, who bleeds blood and breathes air, so STOP investing so much time and thought into him. Focus on your faith....not Jay-Z's.