Thursday, June 11, 2009

MC Hammer Hasn't Told...

...his son that he blew $30 Million on gold toilets and an army of genie pants wearing dancers. Well, that's okay because Kathy Lee had no problem letting Hammer's son know how much of a dumb ass his daddy was back in the day. (Fast Forward to the 2 minute mark)


First, his son needs to stay in school because he has absolutely no talent with regards to singing...that rendition of "Heartless" was nothing short of horrible. Second, did you peep how his son looked at him when she said "$33 Million"? He looked at him with a smirk like "Huh? Wtf did she just say? I don't even have my own room you stupid..."

Then Hammer's response was hilarious...

Hammer : "...that's not something you would say to a 10yr old..."
Kathy Lee: "...he's 11."
Me: *dead*

I just find it funny that his son didn't know anything about his father blowing a fortune back in the day. I'm sure he was aware that his father was a "rapper"...he never Googled his ass? I guess not, if he had he would've known that his pops blew his money on shit like...

Well first there was his home which had the following:

* Recording studio
* 33 seat theater with stadium seating
* 2 swimming pools (one indoor/one outdoor)
* Tennis courts
* A baseball diamond
* Waterfalls, ponds, and aquariums
* Mirrored Bathroom (at least $75,000 in mirrors throughout the house)
* $2 Million of Italian marble floors and a floor-to-ceiling gray marble office with customized marble niches for awards.
* Marble countertops in the kitchen (the house was heavily decorated in marble)
* A stop sign with "Hammertime!" engraved in to it
* Massive gold and black marble jacuzzi in the master bedroom
* Basketball courts
* Bowling alley
* 17 car garage
* Two gold-plated "Hammertime" gates for entrance to the property
* A dishwasher installed in his master bedroom for the purpose of "cleaning up after a midnight snack".

Nothing wrong with all of that. A man's gotta live comfortably, plus there's a difference between 'needs' and 'wants'. Those were obviously 'needs'...and now the 'wants':

* A fleet of 17 automobiles, including a Lamborghini, a stretch limousine, a Range Rover, and a De Lorean.
* Two helicopters.
* 1976 Refurbished "Hoopty Ride"
* Investments up to $1 million in Thoroughbred racehorses.
* Antique golf clubs, Etruscan sculpture, and gold chains for his 4 pet rottweilers.
* A huge entourage of over 200 people for total monthly wages of $500,000.
* A leased Boeing 727.

Hammer's gonna have a hard time explaining how he blew all that money to his kids. If they're just finding out about that, then I'm a 100% sure they haven't seen this....


They're just gonna lose all respect for their father after seeing this. I'd run away from home immediately.

Imagine if you found out that you have to get a paper route at 11yrs old because your father blew $33 Million on the shit listed above...then to top it off he made a video called "Pumps In The Bumps" wearing nothing but a Leopard print thong, weight lifting gloves and Jodeci boots. Good luck trying to explain that shit Hammer.

3 comments:

serena_love said...

First off I hate you for subjecting me to hammer in a speedo. I could have lived the rest of my life happily without seeing that...thanks!

Secondly how wack is hammer for not teaching his children the lessons he learned...he must not have really learned I guess....

And I got a much better video for you if you so choose to post it. It's hilarious. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3foQMLVptjk

iLLaNOise said...

serena why you frontin you've often had nasty dreams about the pumps and the bump video - word to death row records

i still remember him performing that on in living color lol

Doza said...

@Serena - sorry, but I can't let the world forget...we have to pass that video on to every generation so that it never happens again!

Yeah, I don't see why he didn't tell his son about that. That would've been a great lesson in financial responsibility. Plus, it would've been better for Hammer to tell him than some random person...kind of like what just happened.

@ Jay - I missed that episode of In Living Color...please tell me he didn't wear the same outfit?